Q :  I saw the entire records of my husband's relationship with another woman. I am so angry and feel betrayed. I found a notebook my husband wrote down everything about his infidelity. He wrote about the sex he had with her in detail; I would rather not be in this much pain if I didn't read it. I cannot hold my rage to my husband and cannot forgive him even though he asks me for my forgiveness. He's saying there won't be divorce, so I think living separately is the best for us. I am about to be mad and feel as if I'm dying. I don't know what to do. 

A : Even without reading the record of your husband's infidelity, you would probably feel so painful and betrayed. This is a post-traumatic stress disorder. This post traumatic stress has occurred from the moment you found and read your husband's notes. It occurs when you find out the truth; you become angry until you figure out everything if you don't know about your husband's infidelity clearly. Ultimately, rage occurs anyway.

Your husband would probably say he doesn't know if you ask him about the detail. He doesn't remember what he's done. From the wife's point of view, he still doesn't notice the seriousness of the situation, but your husband is addicted to having relationships, which is a psychological disorder. This is why he cannot remember the detail. Addiction occurs when a cycle of getting stress and relieving the stress is constantly repeated; men tend to forget the stress. So, when they are addicted to something, they only remember a fraction of the facts.

https://youtu.be/DOqmJt6MSzM

 Also, there is a difference between hearing his extramarital relationship from your husband and seeing it for yourself. Therefore, you must be treated first. It hurts even more because you are going to relate whatever your husband says to what you have seen.

 Moreover, divorce or separation is an option that you can easily choose to quickly forget the pain, but that doesn't mean your pain would be treated. Trauma caused by a spouse's infidelity remains until the day you die. Thus, you should not avoid or forget about it.

 And the reason why your husband keeps the record is to not forget it. He records because he's afraid of forgetting; to oppositely say, it means he keeps forgetting. Forgetting is what males with normal psychology do to relieve and remove stress; however, trying to relieve stress obsessively means stress keeps remaining. In other words, your husband's psychology is not operating normally. There are differences in relieving stress for men with normal psychology and men with abnormal psychology.

So, after all, knowing that it is impossible to treat relationship addiction by oneself, you, the wounded one, should be treated first.