Q. Why is my husband openly seeing the adulteress even after infidelity was discovered by me? I am not responding at all to his words or behaviors after I watched your videos. I came across each other at home and he said he would come back in 10 days and make effort to restore marriage relationship. I felt quite despised. What should I do?

A. Your husband doesn't seem to take you seriously or be afraid of you at all even upon the revelation of his infidelity. He will become to be afraid of you above anything when you treat post traumatic stress and build happiness ability and coping ability. Then, you will be able to ruthlessly take all the practical measures you want including divorce, lawsuits, and other measures.

You husband is seeing the adulteress without even trying to hide it from you. It indicates that he knows that you are overwhelmed with your own pain and cannot take any action just keeping your heart in your mouth. You may look easy to his eyes since he has psychological disorder which makes him perceive things in the opposite ways and have the conviction in his thought. He would even try to get a divorce right away if you take any practical measures now. He would simply do and say all kinds of absurd things since he has a distorted consciousness. 

You must not pay attention to him whatever he does and try to treat your condition of post traumatic stress. Then, you can give him an opportunity to treat himself and restore marriage relationship. It is not to say that you just let him do whatever he wants but to say that you wait until you restore healthy psychology. Otherwise, both you and your husband cannot but aggravate psychological conditions. Luckily, he at least seems to vaguely think that he needs and wants to recover. You can just tell him to make efforts and go ahead with your own treatment.

If your husband comes back and both of you just try to restore marriage relationship with practical measures without treatment, you may feel comfortable for some time at first but your husband's infidelity and your post traumatic stress are highly likely to recur in a more advanced form.

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)