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The danger of on-line communities for victims of spouse infidelity

Posted by Infidelity Therapy(ip:)

Date 2021-11-04

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There are many on-line communities for victims of spouse infidelity. People who are enraged due to spouse infidelity and suffer from excruciating pain gather in on-line communities to share ideas and information and overcome the difficulties with well-intended people. They can have positive effects to some degree by supporting each other. However, contrary to the good intentions, most on-line communities for victims of spouse infidelity cause serious problems. Points to be considered when you participate in activities in on-line communities for victims of spouse infidelity are provided below.


1. Difficulties of husbands who suffer from wife infidelity and those of wives who suffer from husband infidelity may look similar on the surface but they have completely different underlying mechanism. When women suffer from husband infidelity, the pain originates from the perception that the husband has betrayed the wife and he loves the adulteress. On the other hand, when men suffer from wife infidelity, the pain originates  from the perception that the wife is sexually involved with the adulterer and his pride is severely damaged. 


2. When people with severe psychological disorders interact involving emotions, even more serious psychological problems may occur. They may even get involved in infidelity among themselves. 


Women who are victimized by spouse infidelity and suffer from rage and wounds desperately desire attention and consolation. They usually overly respond to even a small gesture of understanding and encouragement. They may feel happy and comfortable by feeling understood and valued and begin to mistake such a relationship for love. Women then easily forget about her original suffering and feel that she has overcome the difficulties. She has actually developed the delusion of love and happiness and an even more severe type of psychological disorder. Now, they themselves have become adulteresses.  


Men who are victimized by spouse infidelity and suffer from rage and stress develop the sense of betrayal and an intense desire for revenge due to the perception that the wife has enjoyed having sex with the adulterer and their pride is hurt. They may easily feel sexually attracted to any woman they interact with and enjoy the woman's positive response to their attention and consolation. Men's strong sexual desire and the desire to restore their pride lead them to develop the delusion of passion toward the new woman and an even more severe psychological disorder. Now, they themselves have become adulterers. 


Women become adulteresses when their mind is activated toward a wrong man with a pathological condition. Men become adulterers when their sexual impulse is activated toward a wrong woman with a pathological condition. It is almost guaranteed that men and women who interact in on-line communities for victims of spouse infidelity get involved in distorted relationships since all of them start with severe types of pathological psychological conditions in the first place. As they get involved in such distorted relationships sharing thoughts and feelings with people in similar conditions, it becomes more and more difficult to restore healthy psychology and marriage relationship. This mechanism explains the current social phenomena where more and more people repeatedly commit infidelity and live as adulterers and adulteresses for their whole life. 


3. Types of dangerous behaviors of members in on-line communities for victims of spouse infidelity


- Induce forming rapport through psychology counseling

When you get psychology counseling, you feel consoled and easily become dependent on the counselor. You may feel it difficult to live daily life without the counselor's support and advice. Psychology counseling is only a form of consolation at a fundamental level even when it is practiced by a professional. You will waste your time, effort, and expense and end up developing addiction or relationship addiction that destroys your whole life. 


- Express rage and wounds outwardly

There is a from of therapy called 'swearing therapy', which is often included in psychodrama. You may feel relieved temporarily after swearing. However, it is a highly aggressive way to address your rage and wounds by destroying the positive and good sides of your mind. It will make you develop a completely different personality with violent and extreme temperament. 


- Provide attention and consolation

Attention and consolation from anybody are perceived in exaggeration as the sweetest temptation for victims of spouse infidelity. You may mistake that the person really cares about you and think that your problems are solved or just unimportant ones. However, they actually lead you to ruin your whole life. 


- Encourage divorce

Some people irresponsibly encourage other people in pain to just get a divorce. Especially when people in the same gender encourage a divorce, they are usually projecting their own situation into yours and are getting vicarious satisfaction. When people in the opposite gender encourage a divorce, they are likely to be trying to start a distorted relationship with you. 


- Encourage infidelity and pleasure seeking 

It is as if to suggest staying in marriage on the surface but living as strangers with the spouse, which will necessarily cause serious psychological and practical problems for all the family members. This will cause even more adverse conditions than getting a divorce. If you follow such advice, you will blame your spouse for everythnig and justify your actions. You will lose judgment and the sense of self-respect and transform yourself from someone who suffers from pain into someone who inflicts pain onto other people without understanding what you are doing and still claiming that you are a victim. .  

  

4. People communicate only in on-line communities at first, and then, begin to text messages, make phone calls, and eventually meet face to face falling into problematic relationships including infidelity. On-line communities that are organized to support victims in pain and suffering have turned into communities that encourage infidelity and aggravate psychological disorders. One more thing, some managers who run such communities intentionally manipulate innocent members to fall prey for their own pleasure. 


5. Many on-line communities become the arena of clinical trials for psychology experts where they can freely experiment their unverified therapies. The saying 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' fits exactly in such cases. Please, bear in mind that psychology counseling cannot treat post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity, since you cannot build your own ability to treat your own condition and prevent the recurrence of psychological disorders. Counseling will make you feel comfortable but temporary comfort is not the goal of treatment. It is the full recovery of psychological balance and the establishment of happiness ability. An on-line community where incorrect information and the deployment of rage and wounds are rampant is the last place to be for your recovery and happiness. 




About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)




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